hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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