I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
