Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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