I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize