i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
