I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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