tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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