found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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