I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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