I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
