I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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