I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
