You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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