I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
