i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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