Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
