My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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