Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He better not be in your backpack
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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