I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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