when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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