I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
We need to rekindle our bromance
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
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