There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
bring money and cleavage
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
