I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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