I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
