and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
