Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
