There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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