i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
