you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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