I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
