I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
