we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
