so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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