We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Be still, my beating vagina.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
