The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
