Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
