THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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