my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize