The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
