is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
smell my finger.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
