Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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