you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
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