I got chris browned last night
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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