chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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