I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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