I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
it was like eating out sand paper
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
