Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
