i permit you to call me
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
