did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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