Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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