i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
