Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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