My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i came on her dog
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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