She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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