I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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