at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
