do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
my being single is dangerous.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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