Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
