I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
