he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
