I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
