I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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