Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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