My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I could fuck to npr.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize