I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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