no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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